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♪ ♫ BOOM BOOM BOOM! I've come to take you HOME. ♬ ♩

Next Generation of Trainers

♪ ♫ BOOM BOOM BOOM! I've come to take you HOME. ♬ ♩

By on April 13, 2011

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IEgfjB90cQE&feature=player_embedded

I am writing this blog in an altered state.  This is my brain on music.  This soundtrack has been playing for about 24 hours now, ever since I agreed to get out of my own way.  I've spent the last 24 hours celebrating sealing the deal of my adapted Home Mudra playlist, euphorically celebrating my son, my mamahood, my family, my being an NGT, my Life.  My playlist was the invitation into the celebration.  All but one song fell into place almost effortlessly, early on in the project.  Since then, I'd deep down known that The Beatles' The Two of Us was one last piece to a nearly completed puzzle that I just couldn't cram in despite so very much wanting to.  This is a special song for my son, husband, and me, and I was attached to the notion of having a song that represented my son's journey to find his way home in my routine that symbolizes my finding my way home into NGT.  I know it can be a fabulously fun and powerful Freedance song since my family has Freedanced it, making memories that make my heart soar.  But, I finally conceded yesterday that the song in relationship to the rest of the playlist simply wasn't manifesting magic.  I sensed a flatness or a stiltedness to it when bringing it to classes.  In the context of the whole, it wasn't the crescendo Home Mudra asks me for.  So I let it go yesterday and returned to iTunes where I had compiled a B-list of music which spoke to the theme of Home.  I saw Solsbury Hill on the list, and smelled the experience of shopping in Penzey's Spices as a brand-new NGT, hearing that song playing in the background, honing in on the word Home, and sensing excitement in my cells.  In that moment, my Emotional Body travelled back in time to rewinding my Peter Gabriel cassette over and over again to replay that song to feel the emotional charge and lift it brought to my BMES.  Since the song didn't align with any Chains choreography, and since I already had a Freedance song, it just sat there on my overflow playlist of songs that didn't find their way home into Home Mudra.  But, I simply couldn't totally release this song, which kept coaxing me, begging me to play with it.  It took up residence as an ear worm (or "stuck song syndrome" as Daniel Levitin refers to it), and a mighty persistent one at that, slithering around for several months, evoking palpable emotional response every time it floated by.

BOOM!  Yesterday it introduced itself loud and proud as my Freedance song, a gem that flew right on home into Home Mudra!  I sensed the teeniest whisper of residual, gray mental disappointment over letting go of integrating my family's spirit into my NGT routine, so I got up to Freedance and shimmy shake it off.  BOOM!  My skin tingled electric.  BOOM!  My bones rocked my body.  BOOM!  My organs spoke to me through the 'THUD' of gut instinct sensation and the fluttering of wings opening my flying heart.  The song was speaking, and I readied myself to release attachment to needing a Max song in my routine.  BBBBOOOOOOOOMMMM!  And there it was.  Peter Gabriel sang to me:  "My heart going BOOM BOOM BOOM.  'Son,' he said, 'grab your things, I've come to take you home."  And that was it.  My Witness watched me rock out for hours dancing in my PJs in my home office... bawling big happy tears... tears of relief... tears of exuberance... laughing hysterically... sensing my wings... pulsating the "BOOM BOOM BOOM" of the lyrics throughout  and out through my chest... singing/shouting the lyrics with wild abandon... and wow!  Then my Witness saw me rocking a baby in my movements.  My baby.  From that high, as if Fear wanted to reign in and rain on my euphoria, every so often my mind would intrude to remind me that the 4 hours when my son is at school in the morning is my NGT time, my "time to be productive."  But every time I sat down to work (with the song playing in the background since I couldn't not play it), the song spontaneously erupted into a continued EXUBERANT, tearful dance of pure Joy and celebration.  And release.  I chose to ground myself in my euphoria through sensation and continued the dance.  Peter Gabriel sang:  "I just had to trust imagination," and I envisioned myself dancing as a midwife of emotions to sister and brother adoptive parents through my 'Parents as Healers' calling.  I found and felt my musical crescendo.  Home Mudra.  With a smile on my face and absolutely 'no productive progress' towards my NGT checklist of 52 Moves review, barring songs, etc., it was time to get ready to pick my Max up from school.  Fascinating!  I found I wasn't willing to go the time length of a shower without Solsbury Hill, so I played it as I showered.  Driving to school, I was positively giddy, finding myself laughing as I car Freedanced.  On the phone with NGT sister Jamie Klausing, I shared my tale of this song and heard a strong resonance in her words "oh, yeah!" with regards to the power this song held for her.  At school pick-up, I started talking music with another mother.  She brought up Peter Gabriel, and I told her I had spent the morning with him.  A flash of intense emotion came into her face and she leaned into me and said:  "Solsbury Hill?"  I started laughing, and her emotional energy rose to a place where it was reverberating and playing with mine, spurred on simply by the mention of the song.  The space between us was energetically charged by the song.  Back home, I invited Max to play with my celebrating emotional body.  I shared Solsbury Hill with him, telling him that the song made me so happy I was crying happy tears and dancing to it all morning long.  I invited him to listen to the words, and I engaged his energy body as I sang along with the words:  "My heart going BOOM BOOM BOOM.  'Son,' he said, 'grab your things I've come to take you home.'"  I asked him what the song is about.  "When you came to bring me home from Russia."  BBBBBBBOOOOOOOMMMMMMM!!!!!!!  When I played the song later for my husband, Max asked to be picked up.  And as my husband held him, I saw Max's emotional body pull his physical body into the fetal position as he moved into the sweetly supported space of Embryonic.  I Held the Space for the moment's and the music's gift of healing.

All day long I Danced Through Life in relationship with Levitin's words "The Science of a Human Obsession."  The day was awash in terms of my intended review of the 52 Moves.  Aha!  Then I recalled that one of our assignments for the month is to delve into 'Energy Pearls and Emotions + your new routine.'  Ha!  Yes, I danced on that ground today!  I felt the musical obsession dance over my skin time and time again, translating itself into the form of chills and goosebumps.  The obsession molded the arrangement of my bones, as I felt my alignment soar up, lightening and opening.  My organ cells celebrated.  I became obsessed with finding the version of the song that spoke with the most resonant clarity to me.  It had to be live.  It revealed itself as the version from the 'Growing Up' tour.  Of course!  This altered state felt through my skin, bones, and organs and radiating through my field sustained itself through those rare moments I was able to step away from the soundtrack.  The vibration and resonance of the song lingered in my BMES palpably, long after the song had faded back into silence.  I began musing on the electromagnetic field birthed through the creation of a song, and of the group dynamic energy field created in an entire stadium of music lovers moving and grooving together to a beloved piece of music.  I learned from fellow Nian and friend Joi Ross Moore that according to legend, a temple was built on Solsbury Hill to honor Apollo, god of light, music, and poetry, and that Solsbury Hill is one of Gabriel's (and her) favorite songs.  I read that Gabriel wrote this song in honor of a major shift of clarity into his Sacred Livelihood inspired by the birth of his son.  In my vision of the field of this song, I see Peter Gabriel's energy body Creating and Holding the Space for my family as our energy bodies dance through the musical stardust, interweaving threads of connection.  In the field filled with dancers resonating with energetic connections to the power of this piece of music, I see Jamie, Joi, and my mama friend from school dancing together.  I see the powerful field presence of this song's vibration.  Solsbury Hill becomes a cocoon of Natural Time, a soft place to land as I let slide away any pressure I have put on myself of being on a 'fast track' with my own expectations of NGT, and surrender into integrating my family's tempo into the song of my Sacred Livelihood.  I seek harmony.  With this, I slow down the tempo of my body's song, freeing my breath, unbinding my heart.  I watch and see Max's tempo settle to meet mine, and I sense the reverberating importance of minding my instrument.  And the music heals.

How did the music meet the moment to create healing?  Was there anything I did to initiate Dancing Through Life into this contagious altered state?  Was there a skill involved in my ability to receive the healing benefits and power of sound?  Yes.  Quite simply, it was the ability to get out of my own way, conditioned into my nervous system through Nia.  First I had to get out of my own mental way and leave space in which to hear the intuitive whisperings of this song.  And then I called on years of practicing Nia's tools that condition me to move out of my own way so as to receive with purity.  RAW teaches me to quiet the sometimes cacophonous background noise of my mind, leaving space in which to listen.  Learning to hear the Silence from which the Sound emerges opens up more space into which the music can float.  The practice of Creating the Space readies me to open to listening.  My dog ears engage.  Freedance Stage #2 has conditoned my body to be fully present in stillness for the sounds.  Practicing Being Seduced by the Music first involved breaking my hardwired habitual pattern of moving to the beat as soon as music started.  I felt my nervous system sweat as I unlearned that automatic reaction and condition myself to settle into stillness.  Freedance Stage 5 invites my mind to get out of the driver's seat, where it tends to think in advance about what movement 'should' come next.  Letting go of the premeditated mental mapping of moves invites me deeper into relationship with the music, which invites me deeper into the healing potential of sound.  In what I see as an expansion of the Authentic Movement stage practice, stepping into the Unknown in relationship with the music through Blue Monkey classes brings me face-to-face with when I'm thinking and getting in my own way (measured through the Joy factor decreasing via anxiety sliding in) versus when I'm opening and allowing the music to play the instrument of my BMES.  In Dancing Through Life, my beloved Energy Allies are the tools that get me out of my own way so I can hang out in the hammock of RAW and hear the music of the Universe.

In one week, my son will be 5 years, 4 months, 18 days old.  He will be exactly the age I was when my mother died 35 years ago.  In the past, what I brought to that date of milestone significance had been anxiety, unease, Fear... the tempo of my emotional body's song shifting to a speed tinged with a hint of freneticism.  Now, from this space of being bathed by the healing waters of this piece of music, I shift.  Grounded in Joy, I now bring a very real, bittersweet readiness to feel.  I bring sweet anticipation of nestling into the cadence of Solsbury Hill, which will be playing throughout the day.  My son and husband will be playing hookie.  We will be HOME, with our soundtrack Solsbury Hill Holding the Space as we Freedance in celebration of togetherness.  I bring open-hearted readiness to receive the healing benefits and power of sound.  "Are you listening to the Universe singing to you through your body?"  Debbie asked us.  Yes.  Now I Am.